The Wayside Serenaders are delighted to announce an addition to their number. Kate Sluggish has agreed to join the band as singer and bass drummer.

The group’s leader, the Rev J. Olly Glum, said in a prepared media statement: “Kate not only has a very striking (and encouragingly loud) voice and is a fine interpreter of a lyric, but she will also have a dramatic effect upon our reading on the ‘Decrepitometer’, the age-sensitive device which measures the ability of busking bands to remain upright and in full possession of their faculties while performing.”

Rev. Glum, who is rumoured by close associates of the band to rule it with an unashamedly ungloved iron fist, added: “Of course, Kate, in accordance with Wayside Serenaders policy, will be expected to perform with a handicap. In her case this is the playing of a bass drum, an instrument of which she has no experience at all. On the plus-side the drum will also act as a seat upon which to rest while performing.”

Like all prospective Serenaders, Kate had to pass a rigorous set of tests and exercises before being offered a role in the band. These included turning out at short notice in the depths of winter to sing archaic carols and laughing indulgently at the Rev Glum’s tedious jokes. She has often been taking pictures and videos of the band in performance, and the Rev was at pains to add that such signs of loyalty to the band’s mission should not in any way be seen as influential in his decision. “Such behaviour is certainly not an automatic ‘free pass’ to becoming a full-time member of the group. That would be to reward sycophancy,” he harrumphed, adding: “We’re not bloody politicians!”

The band hopes its full complement will be available on its next busking date, which is Saturday 19 August, between about 11am and about 1pm, outside the Samuel Johnson Birthplace Museum in Market Street, Lichfield.